Overwhelming Ride
Jul 25, 2018 by Analieze Cervantes
Everyday, seems like a roller coaster. One minute your high in the air-- laughing against the sunshine, then the next minute you're down below and fearing that you won't lose sight of your happiness. It's been a long time, since I've been happy. The happiest I've been was probably seven years ago where I didn't have to worry. Where I wasn't 6 heartbreaks in. But, what I've learned from all of this... It has made me a much better writer. I feel the emotions as I type them onto the screen. I feel every little thing which at times can be very overwhelming. My mind starts to go to these places, and the pain in my heart begins to regrow once again. I don't know how to control these emotions, but they're there. SOLID. IN YOUR FACE. THERE. Writing helps me cope with all the craziness in my life. It helps me to vent, to get it on paper, to try and forget the things I no longer want poisening my heart-- mind. It also allows me to practice writing the same things in different ways. To find new analogies, sequences of imagery, and create something beautiful. Something better than the first. Expanded into something wonderful.
Life isn't about the things you have, but the almost opportunities... The ones that get your adrenaline rushing, gets you overwhelmed and happy-- for a few seconds, a few minutes. Nothing can make the things we wish to have that much easier. The challenges and the missed successes drives us to find something greater, worthy. Life is difficult. I know that now more than ever. Because I'm working somewhere that doesn't make me happy. That isn't worth my time and effort. At times, I feel like I'm about to disappear and I wish I did. For a moment, to disappear. I don't want to be somewhere that doesn't make my heart sing, that doesn't make my eyes glow, or makes me drag my feet through the door.
I can't give up on everything I've been working so hard for. Trying to get my name out there, to promote myself, and to get me to where I need to be. The path I've chosen is a hard one. I hope that I'll be a success story and not a loss. When will it be my turn? When will it all get better? When will time slow down so I can begin to breathe again? When will I finally be okay?
So, yes. Everyday feels like I'm on a roller coaster. One minute goodness happens... then the next all the goodness turns into resentment, anger, and frustration. I've been down low for a while. Slowly going insane, getting an abundance of white hairs, and I'm only 23 years old.
Although, I'm not there yet.
I have this dream, this idea, that soon I'll be able to live my life I've always wanted to.
Even if that means, alone.
Life isn't about the things you have, but the almost opportunities... The ones that get your adrenaline rushing, gets you overwhelmed and happy-- for a few seconds, a few minutes. Nothing can make the things we wish to have that much easier. The challenges and the missed successes drives us to find something greater, worthy. Life is difficult. I know that now more than ever. Because I'm working somewhere that doesn't make me happy. That isn't worth my time and effort. At times, I feel like I'm about to disappear and I wish I did. For a moment, to disappear. I don't want to be somewhere that doesn't make my heart sing, that doesn't make my eyes glow, or makes me drag my feet through the door.
I can't give up on everything I've been working so hard for. Trying to get my name out there, to promote myself, and to get me to where I need to be. The path I've chosen is a hard one. I hope that I'll be a success story and not a loss. When will it be my turn? When will it all get better? When will time slow down so I can begin to breathe again? When will I finally be okay?
So, yes. Everyday feels like I'm on a roller coaster. One minute goodness happens... then the next all the goodness turns into resentment, anger, and frustration. I've been down low for a while. Slowly going insane, getting an abundance of white hairs, and I'm only 23 years old.
Although, I'm not there yet.
I have this dream, this idea, that soon I'll be able to live my life I've always wanted to.
Even if that means, alone.