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A Vision from a Helicopter
Apr 05, 2018 by Analieze Cervantes
I stand in front of a bookstore, an old one and an abandoned one.
Staring through the unclear window, with stacks of books in the midst of it all, ripped binds, and old--weary covers. Some say you'll get your happily ever after, but others say that it's impossible. Yet, what happens when you get everything you've ever wanted? Does it end there? Do you keep going? Do you continue to try to live a happy life with others?
I've been a broken record, kept from moving forward and backward. Something has to keep me going for my dream, anything at this point. My hands have been buried in batter, cold ice, and have been burned a couple of times. At times they get tired. I get tired from walking around, my legs losing its rhythm from endless amount of hours. Standing. Sitting. Stressing. It all has to end at one point. So when does that end? When do you start your career? When do you feel you, again?
Sometimes I feel like I'm a helicopter in mid air, with no sense of direction.
Waiting for a sign to go somewhere, anywhere until I burn out fuel and fall.
Every time I feel close to it, someone better than me takes it away. Takes it away without permission and I'm stuck mid air, forgetting how to breathe. Rejection becomes fierce and known after the many times I get hit, personally and professionally. However, my dreams are bigger than any scar or bruise on my body. When I was strongest in my faith, during adoration. I was given a vision from God of what my life will be like if I keep trying. My husband came home from a long day at work and I was sitting at the table, writing-- cranking it down to the last second of the deadline.
That dream.
Is everything to me.
That vision.
Is what I need, in order to feel fulfilled.
I need to feel like myself again. I know that there are a lot of road bumps but I'm willing to go past them, go around them. I know that everything will eventually be okay because of the love from my family and friends. I know that someday I will be okay. That I will find my way. That soon God will give me everything I need. I know I've been distant from Him and I dislike myself for doing that to Him. But, I've had enough from people trying to strip me down until I've given up. I'm done trying to please those who don't care about me because all they want to see is my suffering. I won't give them that. I refuse.
So, I stand in front of the bookstore, an old one-- unforgotten.
Hoping that someday I'll be able to walk through the door and see a hardcover with my name written on it.
Success.
I was once told by my high school english teacher, "You're name will look beautiful in print."
And so I said, "Thank you".
Staring through the unclear window, with stacks of books in the midst of it all, ripped binds, and old--weary covers. Some say you'll get your happily ever after, but others say that it's impossible. Yet, what happens when you get everything you've ever wanted? Does it end there? Do you keep going? Do you continue to try to live a happy life with others?
I've been a broken record, kept from moving forward and backward. Something has to keep me going for my dream, anything at this point. My hands have been buried in batter, cold ice, and have been burned a couple of times. At times they get tired. I get tired from walking around, my legs losing its rhythm from endless amount of hours. Standing. Sitting. Stressing. It all has to end at one point. So when does that end? When do you start your career? When do you feel you, again?
Sometimes I feel like I'm a helicopter in mid air, with no sense of direction.
Waiting for a sign to go somewhere, anywhere until I burn out fuel and fall.
Every time I feel close to it, someone better than me takes it away. Takes it away without permission and I'm stuck mid air, forgetting how to breathe. Rejection becomes fierce and known after the many times I get hit, personally and professionally. However, my dreams are bigger than any scar or bruise on my body. When I was strongest in my faith, during adoration. I was given a vision from God of what my life will be like if I keep trying. My husband came home from a long day at work and I was sitting at the table, writing-- cranking it down to the last second of the deadline.
That dream.
Is everything to me.
That vision.
Is what I need, in order to feel fulfilled.
I need to feel like myself again. I know that there are a lot of road bumps but I'm willing to go past them, go around them. I know that everything will eventually be okay because of the love from my family and friends. I know that someday I will be okay. That I will find my way. That soon God will give me everything I need. I know I've been distant from Him and I dislike myself for doing that to Him. But, I've had enough from people trying to strip me down until I've given up. I'm done trying to please those who don't care about me because all they want to see is my suffering. I won't give them that. I refuse.
So, I stand in front of the bookstore, an old one-- unforgotten.
Hoping that someday I'll be able to walk through the door and see a hardcover with my name written on it.
Success.
I was once told by my high school english teacher, "You're name will look beautiful in print."
And so I said, "Thank you".