Analieze Cervantes

Literary Agent | Writer | Freelance Editor 

Camouflaged Reasoning

May 04, 2018 by Analieze Cervantes
Things don't happen for any reason.

It shapes us, builds us, and takes us to places unimaginable. Things do happen for a reason. The first time you meet someone at a new school, the time when you achieve something so overwhelming to even the time when you experience a first heartbreak. There are reasons to all those first's. There are reasons for meeting someone and then losing them right after. There are reasons for everything that happens to you. That makes you believe that all those first experiences shouldn't have ended that way.

I remember, feeling vulnerable to those reasons.

Reasons I'm totally unaware of. Reasons I don't understand. The many times, I'm rejected, or been told "NO", makes me work harder even gets me frustrated because of the many reasons I believe they should choose me. But, maybe I'm NOT meant to be there. Maybe, my place is somewhere else or with someone else. I don't know the many reasons that makes my heart continue to break. Maybe, I'm meant for greatness but can't reach it because I'm stuck in a job that I no longer have reasons to stay... Maybe, I'll find my happiness when I stop looking. Maybe everything will get better if I let the people who hurt me, battered me, manipulated me, and told me I was worth nothing to them, go-- if I learned to let them go. 

I remember, being so happy.

Yet, that happiness is dimmed inside because of letting those who ask, closer to me. I see good in people and once they have my trust, they shouldn't break me because of the care I feel for them. Yet, those reasons for meeting them and for them leaving hasn't been clear. Just like the reasons for writing. But, what I feel when I write... doesn't compare to everything else. When I write, I'm taken to another world, camouflaged into someone else's life, feeling their pain but also their happiness at my fingertips.

I want those who have caused me pain... to know that I forgive you for the things you said and did. Because your reasons for it has shaped me into the woman I am today. A woman who will keep on trying until I get what I want. A career, a family and a husband who will encourage me in everything I do. So, yes I don't know the reasons for my constant failures. I don't know what God has in stored for me but I hope it's somewhere along the lines of writing. I want to inspire, encourage, and achieve everything I've dreamed since I was a little girl. I hope that God, even though I've distanced myself from him, will get me where I need to be. I have faith even if it's been shaken. I still have faith that someday it will be okay.

That one failure will turn into an uplifting success.